Choosing Joy When Visiting Loved Ones with Dementia
May 17, 2019
I have the pleasure of being able to be lead worship many times a week for adults with dementia. It is truly a pleasure and honor. As with many things, there are times when it seems like a chore but generally I greatly enjoy this time. As is also true with many things, I notice that when I am joyful, I do a better job than when I am forcing my enthusiasm.
The residents seem to be able tell, in general, when I am forcing enthusiasm. I don’t react and engage as much as when my enthusiasm is genuine. I imagine this is true with many professions and situations. Teachers who are excited to be teaching find more success with their students than when they are just going through the motions. Joy and enthusiasm are often contagious.
Visiting Loved Ones with Dementia - Bringing Joy is a Choice
I am guessing that for those of you visiting people with dementia, you find this to be true as well. Many times, people struggle to visit because they find no joy in it, only sadness. Or they don’t know how to interact with their loved one because so many aspects of their loved one have changed. Fear and uncertainty take over. Visits can go poorly as a result and visiting becomes a hardship. In thinking it will go poorly, we approach visiting loved ones with less enthusiasm; however, if we approach visits with joy and openness, we may receive surprising blessings.
Opening to Others, a Spiritual Experience of Joy
A few weeks back, I was able to share with residents and families one of the more spiritual moments that I have had in quite a while. It was during a worship service. There were five or so family members who often attend this worship, along with about 12 residents. During this worship, there were tears shed by family, residents, and by me. There was also genuine laughter shared by all. I have had that experience more than once at our worship services. I would guess that many of you have experienced this at funerals, which is probably not so strange. Often at funerals, we mourn the loss of a person in this world, while still celebrating and finding joy in their life. At this recent worship, we shed tears over the loss and diseases of dementia, while still finding genuine joy in one another’s lives and presence during worship.
Shared Emotions, Rich Connections
For me, it is a good day when there can be such a breadth of emotions. There is genuine sorrow in dementia – sorrow for all involved. But there is still joy in life! God still gives us grace. Sorrow can become lighter, and joy can become deeper when these feelings are shared with others. This mix of feelings can be both strange and beautiful. Even people with profound dementia are often able to express these deep emotions and connect with us. These connections and shared feelings may be experiences beyond what we once knew with our loved ones – blessings made more available by our openness to joy.
Approach your life with joy, approach visiting your loved one with dementia with joy, and you are likely to find it. You may also find tears at the same time. I pray that you find both.
Reverend Arlen Solem
Chaplain and Campus Pastor
For questions about our spiritual care program, or if you would like spiritual care and support for you or your loved one, contact Chaplain Arlen Solem at 612-554-6379 or apsolem@augustanacare.org.
At Emerald Crest, we offer a deep knowledge of memory care in a specialized assisted living setting for seniors with Alzheimer’s and dementia-related conditions. We encourage you to contact us directly with any questions or request a tour.
Emerald Crest by Augustana Care provides memory care in a unique environment, specifically designed to support those with cognitive issues. Utilizing this exceptional model of care, individuals with dementia, Alzheimer’s and related conditions can flourish in positive relationships and participation in meaningful activities. Memory care is offered in the Minneapolis – Saint Paul area with communities in four convenient locations: Shakopee, Burnsville, Minnetonka and Victoria, MN.
